I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
