This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
