That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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