what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
