one might say we're banned from that church
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
