He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I touched a dick in church today
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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