He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
