Dual....:-)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My ass is underappreciated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
