I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
