You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
