you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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