had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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