some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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