so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
