i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
