this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
