lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
