I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
