Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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