Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
