I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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