i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
