Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
the raccoons are back...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
