We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
