This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
