I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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