sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
