when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
