Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
