As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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