ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
