Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
