If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
