You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
