I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
