Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
