then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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