i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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