the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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