When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
