Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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