By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
operation have a gay friend backfired
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
