I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
