Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
