Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
