I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
