I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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