don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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