He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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