dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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