Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
