Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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